Heartbreak and war

My quest to become a better man


It was 2003 and just one year after graduating Boot Camp, I was a United States Marine and the toughest fighting machine in the world! I thought I was even more unstoppable than Superman, and nothing in the world could hurt me….turns out I was wrong, there was one thing……a woman.


After being away for nearly a year for training, I was headed home to surprise her, the plan was to pick up my fiancé and bring her with me to my next duty station. The night before my surprise visit, we were on the phone gushing on about our love and the picture perfect future we were going to have, with me fulfilling twenty years in the Corps with my loving wife and three kids by my side.


The next morning, I slowly walked to her front door, and used the key her parents had given me (that is how much they loved me). I quietly pushed it into the lock and turned it as carefully as I could, so she wouldn’t hear me come in.


In my other hand was a huge bouquet of flowers (white lily’s her favorite). I swear I could see them shaking in my hand…I was ready to ask the woman that I loved to spend the rest of her life with me!


I looked around and when I didn’t see her upstairs I headed down to the basement where I thought I heard a noise…I turned the corner and saw her naked, on top of another guy, the noise was her being FUCKED!!!


She had cock in her so deep it was if I never even existed.


I punched the rock wall, I had no clue what to do but I knew I had to leave FAST, and stormed back to my car with tears pouring down my face. She chased after me, shouting George, wait, George please stop! As I got in the car, she grabbed me holding on for dear life, begging for forgiveness. I remember seeing the tears run down her face, she was crying her eyes out, probably only because she had been caught.


I looked at her and yelled “I never want to see you again, and don’t ever contact me!”  As I drove off I made a promise to myself never to have to suffer through anything like that again.


Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, a few months later my best friend was killed by a road side bomb in Iraq. I helped escort his body home, and was there with his mom, trying to be strong during this process because I was taught never to show emotions in uniform, it hit me a lot harder than I thought it would.


Afterwards the Corps could see I was not the same Marine/man I once was and sent me in for counseling.   I was diagnosed with depression, and at 19, I had no clue what to do, where to turn, or who to talk to.


To be completely honest, I felt suicidal and was really close to ending my life.


I lucked out and found some mentors, who shared their life lessons with me. They took me under their wing and I improved not only as a Marine, but also as a man.  After about 6 months I was starting to feel back to my normal self.


While in the Corps I travelled for three years to places like Australia and Brazil and avoided going back to America. One paycheck overseas had me partying like a rock star, having sex with some of the most beautiful women in the world, and living life like the ultimate playboy!  Houses the size of what you only see on MTV cribs, drivers, maids, and cooks, life was fucking awesome! And my x, was just a distant memory…


But, 3 years was over in a flash, and I knew I had to face reality before I returned home. I was no longer going to be the exotic American on a trip overseas. I realized I didn’t even know how to talk to women, let alone how do I ask them out. So many questions ran through my head, and again I was the frustrated man from 3 years ago.


On my deployment to Iraq in 2007, I had stumbled upon THE GAME from another Marine and this was going to be my new key to improvement. Everyone knows the book, and it was going to be the starting point to the deep fire I had burning down inside of me.


When I applied what I had read for the very first time, I could not believe the successful outcome it had. I was talking to women with confidence, was getting more dates, and eventually more sex!


I will never forget the time I truly saw the light and had a girl actually chasing me! I met her at a bar in Huntington Beach; I was on point that night. Approaching set after set, twirling girls around and just having fun. There was a 5 set, 3 girls and 2 guys. I remember no one was really talking to this group because the guys were like 6’4 and fucking huge! So I decided to go with the classic “who lies more guys or girls” It actually worked, had them engaged, then transitioned into the how do you all know each other.  Found out everyone were old friends, picked my target, and played Fuck, Marry, Kill along with the Strawberry Fields Routine.


Shortly after I number closed/kissed closed my target and we ended up fucking multiple times a few nights later. The crazy thing, she lived about an hour away and she was driving all the way down just to see me, and it felt awesome to be the one in control!  Surprisingly, “Game” was working, and I felt like a kid in a candy shop who just wanted more and more!


But something was still missing, and “Game” was only working for the first month or two; I had a limited belief that all So Cal girls hated Marines.  This was killing me inside, because not only was I not able to keep a girl when I got her number, or keep her when we dated, I could not even approach confidently because I was afraid that So Cal girls hated Marines.  For a good 6 months, I had no luck with women, getting blown out in every aspect possible. I was right back to being the average frustrated chump with many unnecessary limited beliefs.


With another deployment, this time to Afghanistan, I made yet another commitment to life that would get rid of all the bullshit limited beliefs and help me become a better man. I learned a lot about myself out there as I found my purpose in life and what I want to do, and got in incredible shape.  I realized I no longer wanted to be a Marine, and started doing things that were going to benefit me more than just being a dumb jarhead robot.  As a Marine, this was a very hard thing to do because in the Marine Corps, it is the Corps’s way or the highway. I had to learn to compromise and stand up for what I truly believed in, and that was a major waypoint in my quest to become a better man.  Towards the end of my 7-month deployment, I hit the gym twice, sometimes three times a day, and pushed my body to the limits!  I also joined The BRAVOHOOD for some excellent support to ensure I would never go back to my once lonely and frustrated days as a young man.


Since my return in October of last year, I took a workshop, and met some awesome people. All while doing this I have partied with porn stars/models, and now have the ability to pick and choose when and whom I want to go to bed, without any sense of desperation driving me. My most recent adventure, and probably one of my hardest yet, was a fitness model who I number closed off the internet,  followed by some heavy sexting(advice I received  from some brothers on the forum)which in turn led to hot steamy sex!


One of the biggest realizations I have recognized is that I need to be loyal to myself FIRST – and not doing things because I’ve been programmed or duped into believing they are what I must do.


Secondly, this journey for me is about more than just sex, its about having the discipline as a man to confidently make the decisions I want in life without worrying about peoples interpretations of who I am.  Sex is just an amazing stepping-stone to an everlasting friendship with the one woman I seek to find someday.


Last but not least, I would be nowhere in this part of my life if I was not having fun doing the things I want to do! If you can not make the best out of any scenario, or are seeking validation from anything that you are doing, you WILL NOT HAVE FUN! This fellas, is not attractive to women at all! Trust me on this one!!


So, where am I today you may ask? Well, I recently separated from the Marine Corps after a long 10 years! I took a 12 day road trip across America, and stopped and saw as many brothers as I could from The BRAVOHOOD! First stop was Phoenix to see the man himself, BRAVO, and The Desert Kings.  Bravo and I hit the gun range and I polished up my shooting skills, and had a blast with the boys, thanks Boom!  After 38 hours of driving, and 1800 miles later I arrived in Atlanta and met the A-Team. These fellas know how to party, and once again I was reminded that if you are not having fun with what you are doing currently in your life, then you need to take another look in the mirror and make a change.


My final two stops were brief, but also very fun and educational. First stop after Atlanta was with Bayrage of Richmond, VA. He reminded me again about having fun, and that the basics of pick up really do work and to trust what you first do not think will work. After, VA I met up with “The Company” in NJ. I had a lot of fun with those guys, and plan on re-visiting them shortly, not to mention I have a little hottie waitress who I am flirting with via texting, which would of never happened if it weren’t for the guys at the shore!


So, I leave you with this…. Having a purpose in life and pursuing what you truly want is a key part to becoming a better man! Just over a year ago, right before I went to Afghanistan, I had all these confused thoughts in my head and had no clue which way to pursue life.  Now, although, I am scared shitless of what the future may hold, I don’t really care! Why? Well, because I am currently happy and free, and nothing in the world can take that away from me!



23 responses to “Heartbreak and war

  1. Very inspirational Taz! Good stuff, just think, you could be married to a chick for 10 years now that would have been cheating on you every time you deployed….no good.

  2. Betrayal is never an easy thing to deal with and I feel your pain. Props to you man. I am glad you found happiness after being struck so cruel a blow. Your story is a testament to what every man is capable of achieving if they dig down deep and find the desire to become the man they wish to be. Thanks for sharing your story with me and so many others. Your story is inspiring. You give me hope. For that, I’m grateful.

  3. Damn Taz….you went though all that shit and came out a great man. Reading this is truly an eye opener and an inspiration. You got out of a tough spot and overcame alot..if you can do it anyone can do it.. It was great to meet you. You got alot of heart man. Keep doin your thing


  4. Truly inspirational my brother!

    It was a pleasure to hang out with ya out here!

    Vegas!!! Lets do it big! 😀

  5. Great post brotha! You’ve been a big help to me, thank you so much! Hope you make it back to socal soon!


  6. Thanks fellas! Team So Cal..I learned a lot hanging with you guys! We killed it from Vegas all over the OC and LA, glad I could help you as well!

    Everyone else, I’m glad my story can help! It truly is about going after what you want and I have learned that there is no such thing as failure if you never stop trying!

  7. awesome story of perseverance, progress and making the most of life, Taz! Respect. I especially like the cross-country Bravohood trip to top it all off.

  8. You are already missed brother, War and Relationships do not mix very well. I wish you the best in your future, don’t be a stranger, I will see you soon.

  9. Wow man. That is intense. That story just paints a great picture of rebirth and ascension. Good for you. See you when you come back to the ATL

  10. Your welcome back any time to Atlanta man! Thanks for sharing your story, I know that many of us had similar experiences of hitting rock bottom with women and having to build ourselves back up again!

  11. Great work man! I know what it’s like to feel suicidal :(. I hope with your new skills you will find a woman to spend your life with who won’t fuck another dude behind your back. God speed!

  12. Life is one big water slide out of the vagina! As long as we are not 6 feet under, we should appreciate what we have in life to offer and expand on what it has to offer was well!

  13. You’re the man Taz!!!! Definitely learned a lot from your experience. You are a true inspiration, and probably one of the very FEW guys that actually view something as apart of their life, and not their entire life.

  14. What an amazing and inspirational post Taz

    From one setback you seemed to have gained so much, becoming more of a man and understanding yourself, overcoming self doubt, gaining the key to confidence, maybe it was a blessing in disguise

    Your story really inspired me deeply

    Restarting my PUA jounrney this Summer!

    Peace from London

  15. fcking amazing post dude!
    definitely walking the walk!
    I’ve founded my self in a similar position before getting to know the book! Is good to read this kind of story!
    depression + ACTION to change & knowledge = “Life is amazing”

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